m&m's make me smile..

So yu ask for a poem..
...a sonnet, a haiku, a pick up line yu say?
Well, i guess yu're in luck!
Seems that I am inspired by handsome strangers.
...anything? yu ask?
i laughed nervously at the negation in my thoughts,
but the smile yu put on my lips had already decided.
So here's this...poetic banter?
Not sure what to call it.
It has no ryhme or rythm but it's directed to yu!
Sitting quietly nd lonesome nd in a most apathetic mood...
only to be engaged in delightful chit chat with a known stranger.
So here's this bannter of some sort...
...to thank yu for the smile..

And the day I thought I'd never get through... I got over yu.

Well..smile handsome, I'm over you. I have discovered something over the last week or so. I discovered that I have achieved true luve. I luve you..enough to let you go for good. Enough that your happiness is the only thing that matters to me, and enough that I mean all of this wholeheartedly. While it has been stated nd restated that you broke my heart..i luve you nonetheless. No matter what happens, I want you to remember that. I luved yu once, luve yu still. Always hav, always will. Hehe. Do not mistake this revelation to mean I still desire yu to be mine. I don't. I guess yu can say I luve yu in the sense that yu are extremely important to me..but I don't want yu. I will always be protective of yu because there was a time where yu stood in my shoes. We were n'sync, I know how yu felt once upon a lonely day. Nd though I might not kno how it feels like to belong to someone nd hav them be yours, I will relish in your happiness for it brings me satisfication. I must stop a moment to say that I honestly never thought I would be in this position, saying what I am, nd yet keeping my cool about all this with a smile at the thought of your bright eyes. ....I want yu to kno something. Everyday, at 11:11 am nd pm...I pray for yu. Nd today?...well I surprised myself for praying for her too. Even though yu might not want to kno this, I will tell yu anyways..I will ALWAYS be here for yu. There is nothing yu can say or do that can drive my compassion nd understanding away from yu. Not those words that hurt me, or that new attitude you've picked up..or the young girl sitting so comfortably next to yu. Before yu were my almost, yu were my best friend...nd though I hav lost the title, I stay tru to my duties as one.. I am disappointed in how everything played out, indeed I am. But I cherish your memory despite of everything. I was right yu kno. I was best friends with some lucky girl's Mr. Right. But that's just it, yur still my friend. I can't forget yu, the thought is ridiculous. Like they say; trying to forget someone you luve is like trying to remember someone you've never met. Since the day I got to kno yu, I knew yu were special. Nd though I've cried my share of tears, nd the shares of others, I still belive that. Because evrything I went through in life nd everything I am going through is to make me strong. I understand that. When I saw yu with her...I realized I was sincerely happy for yu. I put aside the unfairness of your smile in contrast to my hidden frown, nd suddenly I felt... happy for yu...because yu don't hav to feel the shadows of lonliness anymore nd it makes me so glad. Okay okay, enough. Hah. Point is, I luve yu unconditionally nd I will always be here for yu. Whether yu need me tomorrow, a year from now, or five years from now. When we come in contact again, know that you were never absent from my mind. I kno you're thinking to yourself that that will change but that's just it. It won't. I will always want the best for yu. And at the moment, I still don't care about anything but yu.

My Perception of You.

Yu are.. my pain, my inspiration.
Yu are.. my impatience, my frustration
Yu were.. forty minutes in the sun.
Yu are.. a fast food drive thru.
Yu were.. a Halloween night.
Yu are.. the stairs before the parking lot.
Yu were.. the face looking up at me from the drive way at 12:21am.
Yu were.. the 4 digit number on a silver clicker.
Yu were.. the nudge on my bottom lip.
Yu are.. the indecisivness of a possible first kiss.
Yu are.. the jump of my heart.
Yu were.. a feeling of giddiness.
Yu are.. my feeling of defeat.
Yu are... what might've been.

P.S. Key word here is Inspiration. I transform my thoughts nd feelings into words. Basically, I mean no harm or distress to a certain reader. I am extremely thankful for each nd every moment despite how it may be portrayed.

Moonstruck

I'm going insane...this irrational feeling of luve has me without reason, nothing makes sense. The worst thing is that I am aware of the effect yu hav on my sensibility...nd I can't bring myself to care. I am moonstruck. Madly in luve. My whole being clouded by this luve-crazed insanity. My every thought is stolen by yur memory...yu live in my subconscious. Every lonely silence echoes yur name. It haunts me in ways I thought weren't possible. Every empty place is burdened by yur lingering presence. Yes, indeed this is true...I am slowly losing my sanity...with every thought of yu. My memories hav tormented me and I was left undefensive. I let their voices bring me down nd rip me apart. Everything I say leaves me puzzled, I don't understand the words coming out of my mouth. Their incoherency scares me....I am going insane. The only thoughts left with reason are screaming at me, furious at my actions..at my lack of control. They are scrambled nd inaudible compared to the playful tone that once coated yur voice. Am I over the resentment? How I can hate yu, luve yu, have compassion for yu, want to destroy yu, and want to protect yu all at the same time is something that I cannot myself comprehend... Why? I ask. And then I remember why I feel so chaotic..its because I left my heart with yu, asked yu to look after it...nd yu took off running..my heart in yur hands...
xoxo, Modern Day Juliette

I am..a vague confession...

I am a penny on the sidewalk.
I am the shadow of a tree overlooking the front yard.
I am a dirty mirror on a wall.
I am the pillow he rests his head on.
I am the tension in the room.
I am the bookmark on page 238.
I am the heart of diamonds on the bracelet of the trohpy wife.
I am the snarl of an angry dog protecting what's hers.
I am the swirl of the dress at a Sweet Sixteen.
I am the ringing of the phone at late hours of the night.
I am the second set of footprints that overlap the first.
I am the tears that the girl in the mirror wipes away.
I am the creaky noise that the staircase makes.
I am the silence in the dead of night.
I am the embrace between two friends.
I am the knot in a throat before a confession.
I am the thriving life under a moist rock. haha.
I am the comfortable silence in my utopia.
I am the lonliness of a single woman's apartment.
I am the hobby she takes up to forget about her lonliness.
I am the relief of hearing him ask her out.
I am a dream and the dreamer.

I Don't Remember...

I don't remember the last time I wore my white heels.
I don't remember meeting my manager.
I don't remember 85% of tenth grade or was it ninth??...i don't know why...
I don't remember my Pocahontas birthday party.
I've seen pictures which serve as the only proof.
I don't remember when the Queens Center Mall was being reconstructed.
I don't remember the dress I tried on before I picked the one I wanted to wear to my Jr/Sr Banquet.
I don't remember why I had hope...I just did.
I don't remember why I felt strong enough to let myself feel human again...
When I did feel human, I don't remember what caused me to become numb before.
When I got hurt from feeling human again, I don't remember why I allowed it...and strangely, didn't regret it..
I don't remember the last time I saw my best friend before she moved to Tennessee three years ago.
I don't remember what inspired me to right this opposite to my last entry. But it did, I did, and I don't regret it.
I do regret not being able to remember what I don't remember...

What I remember...

I remember how my friend and I use to drink italian dressing straight from the packet when we were kids.
I remember my mother not letting me go out to play in the snow because I lost one of my snow boots, I remember feeling jealous as I saw my little brother playing in the snow in the backyard.
I remember crying at a poem by best friend wrote about me after she told me she was moving away.
I remember following a trail of money from my bedroom to the living room, according to my age, every birthday till I was 15. (15 pennies, 15 nickels, 15 dimes, etc.)
I remember the first time I was captivated by the farmer boy in plaid burning up toast with his heat vision and getting hooked on Smallville. lol
I remember the first time he held my hand, and how comfortable it felt.
I remember hating Time when we finally arrived in front of my house.
I remember shopping for sheet lyrics in the rain with my friend Miya on fifth ave after school one day.
I remember how it took me two hours to learn how to take in and take out my contact lenses. I was so frustrated and my eyes were so irritated by the time I left the optometrist.
I remember not wanting to go into the funeral home for my godfather's wake because I knew it would hurt too much and wanting to be strong for my godmother.
I remember punching my classmate in the face in fifth grade for making fun of my brother. That earned me my first and only detention ever.
I remember getting lost in La Plaza in Madrid, Spain in the pouring rain.
I remember horseback riding for a psychology trip and how it started to hail halfway through the trail, which only made the horses run faster and the experience more exhilarating.
I remember my dad waking up early in the morning to make us breakfast to eat in the car before we got to school, everyday.
I remember watching The Ringer for the first time with my two best friends and my homeroom teacher. ("When the f*** did we get ice cream?!?") lmbo!
I remember mountain climbing and taking 15 minutes to get 3 feet up at one point. I remember how the view from the top was worth the time, the dirt in my hair, and the fact that I had ten minutes to get back down because it was time to go.
I remember spray painting some t-shirts for my class to wear on Twin Day for Spirit Week with my friends and teacher. We were all prisoners with shirts spray painted with our student number and our teacher was our prison warden. The back of our shirts had 'Release Date' and the date of our graduation spray painted on it.
I remember going to the batting cages with the first time. I wasn't expecting to actually get into the cage so I was unprepared with heels and a skirt. I had more fun than I ever thought I would.
I remember being in the Spongebob Squarepants 3D ride at Six Flags and having to ride it again because someone unbuckled their seatbelt and it had to be restarted...when it had two minutes of the ride left to go.
I remember the day my guy friend left New York. The class surprised him with a party and we sang Graduation by Vitamin C.
I remember reading Les Miserables in class...and loving every line of the book.
I remember singing 'Toxic' with my best friend in the back seat of her dad's car.
I remember realizing that I was going to lose my best guy friend, and having my heart break when I did.
I remember watching Nick Pitera on youtube and being amazed!
I remember...that I have bad memory and there are alot of things I didn't remember while doing this assignment...and wishing I could remember things in vivid pictures.